In Their Place
by Esme Mom Cullen
Summary: A crack fic in honor of April Fools' Day. Esme shows Bella who Carlisle only has eyes for. Edward comes face to face with Christian Grey. Bella goes toe to toe with Katniss. A "dream" of characters standing their ground and putting others in their place.


**_Disclaimer: All Twilight characters in this story are created and the property of Stephenie Meyer and The Hunger Games characters are created and the property of Suzanne Collins. All E.L. James characters are the property of Stephenie Meyer. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._**

"Damned? Like hell? Bella asked as she looked to Carlisle for a response.

His eyes met hers and she felt an ache between her legs. Why was he looking at her that way?

"Carlisle you couldn't be damned," she assured him. "You couldn't. It's impossible."

"Thank you, Bella," Carlisle said with another look that teased Bella's nether region. "You've always been very gracious about us."

Bella looked at Carlisle with doe-like eyes, overwhelmed by Carlisle's sexual magnetism.

"Bella, did you hit your head when you fell?" the doctor asked calmly. He watched her reactions closely as he continued to work on the damaged arm of the human his son was in love with who also happened to be prone to bleeding at a surprisingly unpredictable rate considering they had a vampire who could see the future in their family.

"What?" the distracted teenager asked with the tone of a distracted teenager.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" Carlisle asked with a concerned, but slightly amused expression.

She smiled coyly and looked down at her hands before meeting the golden haired god's liquid topaz eyes again.

"I was just returning the favor. Letting you know that I feel the connection too." Her attempt to make her voice sound sexy just made her sound hoarse instead.

"What favor? What connection do you speak of?" Carlisle's curiosity was piqued.

"The 'I want to bend you over this desk' connection. I can see it in your eyes." Her voice succeeded a bit more at sexy this time.

"Wait, Bella, what are you talking about?" Carlisle was alarmed by this unexpected turn of events.

"The way you keep looking at me," she pressed on.

"Bella, I'm looking at you as I would a patient for that is what you are at the moment," he said as he finished off her stitches.

"I can't believe that you look at every patient they way you just looked at me," Bella insisted, knowing for sure that she understood that look.

"I assure you that I do," Carlisle said firmly, but the humor in the situation wasn't lost on him.

"You look at every patient like you want to have sex with them?"

He laughed a gentle laugh as he secured her bandage and said quietly, "Esme, can you come up here, please?"

A moment later the woman he had fallen in love with in 1921 came through the door. She brought with her the acrid smell of bleach from cleaning up the mess left behind after Bella's unfortunate accident.

"Yes, my love, what do you need?" Esme asked with a grin and a sympathetic glance at Bella.

"Bella thinks that I am trying to seduce my patient with my eyes," he said plainly.

Esme chuckled and looked at Bella with pity. "I know that look. You have to remember I was his patient first."

Bella looked uncomfortable, but determined to get the doctor to admit that she hadn't read that look so incorrectly.

"I know what I saw," Bella stated confidently.

"You saw this," Carlisle said, again giving Bella the look made her squeeze her legs together.

She looked to Esme expecting to find a shocked look on her face at her husband's obvious flirting, but Esme's expression of pity remained unchanged.

"You don't find that to be a little much?" Bella squeaked.

Esme shook her head and said with a shrug, "That's his 'wonderful patient care' look."

"I don't believe it."

Carlisle sighed and looked at Esme asking an unspoken question with those pussy torturing eyes.

Esme's expression turned to one of a woman who wanted to play games.

"Show her, but aim at the only person who ever gets to see it," she said taking two fingers on her right hand and point them at her own eyes then his.

He looked at Bella and simply said, "I apologize now for what you may witness."

Before Bella could question what was about to happen, Carlisle turned his eyes to his wife. Even with his gaze not directed at her, Bella felt like her panties were melting. He looked at Esme with such adoration, love and lust that Bella physically felt it to her very center. It pained her that it wasn't she that he looked at it and it made her incredibly jealous that she knew she didn't even exist in that moment between them.

Faster than Bella's human eyes could take in, Esme has moved across the room and had Carlisle pinned up against the nearby wall. His hands clutched her back. Her hands were gripping his blonde locks as she devoured his mouth. When she lifted her leg to wrap around her waist, Carlisle placed a hand on her thigh. Bella envied that thigh.

"Esme, love, we're not alone," he breathed against her luscious lips. Part of Esme didn't care, but his hands caught her cheeks and he locked onto her eyes with a different look – one that made her focus.

They both turned to face the gaping girl with the bandaged arm.

"I'm nothing to you," she sputtered out.

"Bella, you're not nothing, although I am curious as to what you meant by you 'felt the connection too?'" Carlisle asked.

Esme locked a possessive arm around Carlisle's waist and gave Bella a suspicious look.

Bella bit her lip and then touched the back of her head with her uninjured arm and faked a wince. "I think you are right, Carlisle. I did hit my head."

"I'll go get some ice," Carlisle said kissing his wife before walking over to Bella and giving her a little touch on her chin then he escaped the room.

Esme walked over toward where Bella sat. She wrinkled her nose at the crystal bowl containing the mix of bloody bandages and alcohol swabs. She picked up a nearby box of matches, struck one and threw it into the bowl. Bella jumped at the blaze.

"Are you feeling better?" Esme asked.

Bella nodded, but she knew Esme could hear her heart racing.

"Bella, I'm happy that my son has finally found someone. He is head over heels in love with you and once a vampire falls in love they fall hard. They also are very possessive of their mates."

"I know. He told me."

"Good, then I should not have to reiterate, but I will anyway that if I ever hear anything about you feeling an inappropriate connection with my husband again you will no longer be welcome in this family. I find the fact that you thought there was a connection laughable. You are a fine match for my eternal teenager son, but how could you for one moment think my brilliant husband could be attracted to a high school student who has no interest in furthering her education or raising a family, has the maturity level of a hormonal teenaged girl and her biggest ambition at the moment is to become a vampire and bang my son?"

Bella hung her head in shame. "You have a point," she mumbled.

Esme patted her on the head and with her lovely ringing voice said, "I know. Dr. Cullen is way out of your league, little human. Please stick with Edward. He would be very upset with me if I accidentally gouged out your eyes…or worse."

Esme started to make her way to the door when Bella couldn't help herself.

"Esme…" The caramel hair goddess turned back around to face the girl that would one day be her daughter-in-law.

"Yes, dear?" she asked as if everything was right as rain.

"I'm sure I'm not the first person to be confused by Carlisle's 'patient care' look," Bella said cautiously.

"No, you're not."

Bella bit her lip, but couldn't help herself. "Have things ever escalated with other patients? I mean have others acted up what they thought their doctor coming onto them?"

"They have," Esme said with a nod.

"And have you ever done anything about it?"

"I have."

"Like what?" Bella asked the held her breath.

"Most realize they are delusional when they see his wife. For those who haven't…well, accidents do happen," she said with a shrug.

At that moment Carlisle returned with the ice, but Bella didn't need it – she had been cooled eternally.

* * *

><p>"Dad!" Renesmee called as she ran toward the back of the man with the unruly bronze colored hair.<p>

He turned around as he heard someone rushing toward him.

Renesmee stopped in front of him and took in his face with surprise. "I'm sorry. You're not my dad, but you look a lot like…"

"Robert Pattinson? I get that a lot, but I'm afraid I'm not him."

"I was going to say you looked a lot like my dad," she said as she studied his familiar, but human face.

"I'm sure I'm a bit young to be your father. The name is Christian Grey," he said as if she should know who he was.

"Okay, it's nice to meet you Mr. Grey," she said shaking his hand.

"You don't know who I am?" he asked with slightly wounded pride.

She shook her head. "Should I?"

He smiled ruefully at her, but looked vaguely disappointed.

"The CEO of Cullen, I mean Grey Enterprise Holdings, Inc.? Sound familiar?"

"Oh! You were in _Forbes_, right?" she said more as a statement than a question.

"Yes, it was one of the few interviews I have given. You read _Forbes_?" he asked, surprised by that a teenager today would make time for such things.

"Yes, some young women actually do pay attention to what is happening in the business world."

"Speaking of not paying attention to what is happening in the business world, here comes my lovely…companion, Miss Steele."

Renesmee turned to look in the direction of Mr. Grey's stare and found a well-dressed young woman who surprisingly resembled her mother.

"Now this is getting weird," Renesmee mumbled to herself.

"Oh my," Miss Steele started to say, but was cut off by a look from Christian and looked down and bit her lip.

"Stop biting your lip," Christian told her and then turned back to Renesmee. "Well I'm sure your father is a lucky man to have such a smart young lady for a daughter, but, as I said, I think I'm a bit young to be your father."

"Renesmee," the girl heard her mother call from behind her, but she couldn't look away from this strangely familiar couple.

Her parents came up behind her and were suddenly face to face with their doppelgangers.

"Holy crow," both brunettes breathed out as they took in their near twin.

"Dad, this is Mr. Grey of Grey Enterprise Holdings," Renesmee said introducing her father to the stranger.

Edward Cullen held out his hand to the billionaire and said, "It's nice to meet you, sir."

"Has anyone ever told you that you look like Robert Pattinson?" Christian asked.

"No, but I've been told that you look an awful lot like me – strikingly so. You could change your name to Edward Cullen and you could be me…or vice versa," Edward said with a slight smirk on his lips.

Christian gaped at the youth of the man who couldn't possibly have a teenaged daughter. "I'm sorry; I thought this young lady said you were her father."

"She is. I look very young for my age," he said with a calm and reassuring smile.

"And this is her mother?" Christian asked as he thought, _Her skin is even more perfect than Anastasia's_. _The things I would love to do to her…like rip her tampon out and fuck her over a sink._

Suddenly Edward was right in front of Christian with a deadly look on his face. "Yes, she is her mother and my wife," he practically growled.

The two men stared each other down as the women continued to do the same.

"Were you adopted?" Bella blurted out, very confused by this women in front of her. _Did Charlie have a love child?_

"No, but this is strange. Your daughter's eyes are like mine," Anastasia said.

"We should go, Miss Steele," Christian said taking her arm.

"Why don't you call her by her first name?" Renesmee asked out of curiosity.

"Because Mr. Grey is a proper and respectful man, am I correct, sir?" Edward said giving him a look to let him know that he knew exactly what Christian was thinking about his wife.

For once, Christian was shaken, but he couldn't help the thought of this man's wife in his playroom.

"Bella, Ness, why don't you run along to Nordstrom and I'll join you in a moment," Edward said.

Christian sensed the danger, but felt compelled to stand his ground. "Miss Steele, please go ahead to the restaurant and order me a glass of the Pouilly Fumé."

The women scattered, befuddled by this run in.

Edward moved in closer to Christian to make sure he heard every word as he said, "Christian Grey, I admire the work that you have done and the fortune you have acquired. I find your proclivity toward women a bit disturbing. If you ever look at or think anything inappropriate about my wife, I will know about it and I will make you suffer for it. You think you have means? I assure you that yours is pittance compared to my resources. And don't think of ever comparing yourself to me again in anyway, and you couldn't even begin to handle my Bella. She is way out of your league. Now go to your poor man's imitation of my wife and play with her tampon. I can assure you that my wife and I are way beyond that."

Christian Grey's coloring was so pale that he had never looked closer to Edward's complexion. "Good day, sir," he said as he turned and quickly walked away.

Edward stood watching the man scamper away sure in himself that Christian Grey, no matter how big his britches got, would never have what Edward Cullen had.

* * *

><p>The young woman saw the brown hair of a large animal between the trees. She aimed and shot the arrow toward it. She watched it take off, but as it near its target the strangest thing happened. The hair turned and a pale hand shot up stopping the arrow in mid-air, caught between her fingers.<p>

Katniss gasped as she realized that she almost shot a person, but she also was amazed by the person's skills.

"Hello," she said cautiously. "I didn't mean to shoot at you. I didn't expect anyone to be out here. I thought you were an animal."

The person stepped out from behind the trees and Katniss found herself before a stunning, pale beauty with strange eyes. It was physical beauty that she had only ever seen in the Capital, but this woman lacked the strange dyes, makeup or fashion of those strange creatures.

The mysterious figure approached her with incredible grace in her gait and the arrow in her hand. She held it out to her.

"Where did you learn to catch an arrow like that? Did you grow up on District 1? Did you train to be a Tribute?" Katniss asked feeling uneasy.

"No, I just have very good reflexes," she said gesturing with the arrow again. Katniss took it. "All the animals have headed south. You won't find anything close today."

"Who are you?" Katniss added.

"My name is Bella Cullen." Even the tone of her voice was beautiful. "What's your name?"

"My name is Katniss Mellark," she said, not sure if the odd woman would recognize it.

Bella chuckled at the strange name. "Katniss? That's an interesting name. What does it mean?"

"It's an edible root plant. My father gave me my name," Katniss said proudly.

"A root plant? Fascinating," Bella said with amusement. "Aren't you a bit far from the District?"

"Where are you from?" Katniss asked warily. As sweet and unassuming as the woman seemed there was something discomforting about her. She sensed danger from her.

"I live a nomadic life at the moment. I was hunting," Bella said naturally.

"Where's your weapon?" Katniss asked looking at Bella's hands and beyond her to see if something stuck out near the trees.

"I have a few weapons at my disposal, but my main weapon is speed," she teased with a wink.

"Are you alone?" Katniss looked around.

"No, my husband and my daughter are out there," she said with a wave of her hand toward the forest behind her.

"You have a daughter?" Katniss asked in surprise. She looked almost too young to be a mother.

"Yes," Bella stated with pride. "Her name is Renesmee."

Katniss couldn't help but burst into laughter. "And you think _MY_ name is 'interesting?'"

"It's a combination of her grandmothers' names," Bella said lightly.

"Oh," Katniss said sobered by her reference to family.

"I thought the closest District was abandoned," Bella said as she studied the strange woman's attire and weapon.

"A few of us have returned."

"Why go back to such desolation?" Bella asked with surprise. The nearest District had been burned.

"After the rebellion that made it to The Capitol, we both were rather overwhelmed by the world. We are both survivors of The Hunger Games and the uprising. It felt safe and comforting to return to the District of our youth."

Bella was sympathetic to what a person would do for love. "You must be very much in love to be willing to go it alone in such a lonely place."

"I have trust issues. It's easier to depend on one," Katniss declared.

"That you love?" Bella said finishing the sentence with hope.

"Yeah, I guess," Katniss grumbled.

"That sounded convincing," Bella said taken aback by her response.

"Do you love your husband?" Katniss questioned as she looked Bella in her eyes.

Bella smiled and said, "With all my heart. My heart was his from the moment I met him. I had many obstacles before we were able to fully commit to each other. I experienced death, and loss, and pain in his world, but it only made me feel stronger and proved how strong our love was over and over again."

Katniss sniffed and stated, "I fought beside the man who became my husband in the Games…twice. He lost his mind. I lost mine. I was the symbol of the last rebellion and was called upon to assassinate President Snow, but realized the truth and killed the rebellion's leader instead."

"I know President Snow," Bella said excitedly. "He had an interesting rose garden. It gave off quite a luscious scent."

Katniss wasn't amused and Bella wiped her excitement from her face as she let Katniss continue.

"I lost my sister to death and my mother to despair. My best friend, who took care of my family when I couldn't, became a key strategist in the rebellion, and is incredibly good looking, I lost because I couldn't trust him anymore?"

"Why not?" Bella whispered, enthralled by her story.

"He had an idea for a plan and that plan when executed killed my sister."

"He ordered your sister's death?" Bella gasped.

"I don't know." Katniss said with agitation.

"You never asked him?"

"No."

"Why not?" Bella' was becoming confused by this strange woman.

"Because I had lost my mind."

Bella thought for a moment and then shook her head as she asked, "So your best friend, who protected your family through so much, you think turned against you and unfeelingly involved your sister in a plan that would lead to her death and you never confronted him?"

"It's complicated," Katniss insisted.

Bella snorted. "I know a thing about complicated best friends – I married one and my other best friend fell in love with and married my daughter."

"And you are okay with that?" Katniss asked, slightly horrified.

"It was complicated, but we talked," Bella said with a smile. "We communicated. We got everything out in the open."

"I'm not easy to get along with."

"You're talking with me," Bella encouraged her.

"I haven't had anyone else to talk to in a long time."

Bella returned to conversation to Katniss. "So you didn't bother to ever discuss the truth with your best friend because you were so in love with your husband that you didn't need anyone else in your life?"

"Not exactly," she mumbled.

"What is it then?"

"No one else knows what we have suffered. No one else understands us," Katniss cried out.

"And that brought you together?" Bella asked soothingly.

Katniss growled, letting loose everything that she had bottle up inside.

"I settled, damn it! I didn't want to deal with anyone else anymore and he was head over heels for me so I settled. And now I have everything I never wanted. The only thing I ever wanted to do was protect and take care of my sister and I failed at that. That's what all this was about – protecting Primm! I'm expecting a kid although I said I never wanted kids, but he's been badgering me for one for 15 years. My life wasn't great as a kid, but it has never gotten better. I went on this crazy journey and fought so hard, but in the end it was all pointless. All I got was Peeta and some fucking bread."

Katniss was breathing hard trying to catch her breath after her rant.

"Peeta? That's your husband's name?" Bella asked attempting to bring levity to the discussion.

Katniss nodded.

"Wow, your civilization sure knows how to pick'em."

"Renesmee?" Katniss questioned with a raised eyebrow.

"Touché," Bella said with a sigh. "You still have time. Your life isn't over yet. Start making choices for you."

"I've got a kid on the way and Peeta needs me," Katniss whined.

"Or maybe you just need him and the drama in your head," Bella scolded

"Excuse me?"

"People thought I was crazy for the choices I made and that I made so young. I could have settled for another life with someone who would have been less complicated and with a life that would have called for less compromise. I sacrificed some things for the life I chose, but it was always my choice. I never settled and you shouldn't either. After all that you went through you should have learned to make your own choices and go for whatever you want. The worst thing you could have taken away from it is the action that you took – settling."

There was rustling in a nearby bush.

"I thought you said all the game had gone south," Katniss muttered.

"That particular animal is my husband indicating that I must be going. Find yourself, Katniss, and make your own choices. Settling forever is not an option."

* * *

><p>Renesmee woke with a start and sat straight up in bed.<p>

There was a knock at her door. "Ness, are you awake?" she heard her mother call through the door.

"Um, yeah, I just woke up," she said putting her hands to her head to try to calm her racing mind.

"Can I come in?"

"Yes," she mumbled.

Bella opened the door and popped her head in. She could see her daughter was distressed and moved into the room to sit by her on the bed.

"What's wrong, Renesmee?"

"I just had the strangest dream," Ness said trying to piece it all together in her mind.

"What was it about?"

"It felt so real. You were in all of it. There was grandpa and grandma, and 'The Hunger Games' and some cheap imitation of you and dad."

Bella laughed. "It sounds fascinating."

"Did you ever hit on Grandpa Carlisle while you were dating dad?" Renesmee blurted out.

Bella was startled by the question. "What? No! Of course not! I was very much in love with your father and your grandfather has eyes for no one but your Grandma Esme."

"And have you ever run into anyone who looks like you or dad?" Renesmee asked, continuing to process the questions the dream brought on.

"I've been told I vaguely resemble that actress Kristen Stewart, but I don't see it," Bella said.

"Neither do I," Ness said with a shake of her head. "And dad?"

"There's no one who can hold a candle to your father," Bella said with a serene and loving smile.

"What about Robert Pattinson?"

Bella wrinkled her nose. "Heaven's no. He's okay looking, but he's no Edward Cullen."

"Did you finish reading 'The Hunger Games' books?" Ness asked.

"I did. I finished 'Mockingjay' last night while you slept."

"And what would you tell Katniss if you had the chance to talk to her?"

"That's an odd question, Ness," Bella said as she searched her daughter's face.

"I know, but humor me, mom."

Bella thought for a moment and then said, "I would tell her the same thing I would tell my daughter – don't settle. Even human life is long in the scheme of things and we should be happy with our choices. We should live our lives surrounded by love and give it in return. Settling is not an option."

Renesmee hugged her mother.

"What's that for?" Bella asked as she placed a kiss on top of her daughter's head.

"Because no matter what happens and no matter what people say or think, you deserve lots of love, mom."

"I'm guessing that has something to do with your dream?"

"No, it has everything to do with who you are. You are an imperfect creation, but I love you just the way you are. You are exactly how you are meant to be."

"And I love you, too," she said holding her daughter a moment longer, appreciating how much she had and that everything was in its proper place.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Author's Note: <em><strong> Please note that sarcasm is in my nature and I hope you find some laughs in my humor. <strong>_The first section would be in reference to the film New Moon, not the book. The second section is based on MotU/50 Shades of Thievery. If you are dying to read that story, please send me a note and I will send you to MotU. I would rather give it to you for free than have another penny go in that woman's bank account. I would encourage you though to look for better stories than it. Third, would be a bit of Bella defending herself against the negative comparisons of her to Katniss when Twilight and The Hunger Games are unfairly compared. Finally, readers are reminded that Bella is who she is and we may not always agree with her as readers, but she is exactly who Stephenie Meyer intended her to be.**_


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